Homecoming

I think most travel bloggers have a folder of photos to use in those random posts when you're not sharing a place but maybe something else.  Something that doesn't lend itself to the perfect photograph.  These gorgeous peonies came from that folder of random photos.  Because how do you photograph the end of a marriage?  That's probably way too blunt, but I just need to write this post. I need to put it out there so that I can move on with this blog.  And with life. 

Sadly, Matt and I have ended our lovely adventure together.  There has been no drama, just deep and profound sadness.  It's heartbreaking that a love story that I believed in wholeheartedly has ended so abruptly. But the only thing to do is move forward, which is what I'm doing.   

It has been a rough few months with so many changes.  Luckily, I've had a beautiful landing pad.  I'm now home in Texas.  I was worried that when I got here, it might not feel like home anymore.  But, that hasn't been the case at all.  It feels more like home than ever! In just 3 weeks, I've moved into an apartment, bought a car, started a job and taken care of all of those other little steps that entail starting over.  I'm still sleeping on an air mattress, but my new bed is being delivered tomorrow. 

As with any big transition, there has been a lot of self-reflection and soul-searching.  I've embraced the idea of self-love and healing.  I've spent some time traveling solo (I can't wait to tell you more about it).  I've leaned heavily on friends.  That has been the greatest thing to come out of this devastating situation.  My friends have held me up in ways that I could never have imagined.  I've also received so much love and encouragement from online friends.  It has been humbling and so very lovely.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those of you who have reached out to me.  I can't tell you what it has meant to me.  I promise to pay it forward. 

So now every day is a little bit better than the last.  Life looks very different and every day I miss the life I had. Even with all of its imperfections.  But I will not let the loss of something so special go without learning the tough lessons.  I will build something from it and try to live my best life going forward. 

So that's done then.  I love this blog and I want to keep it going.  I've taken another difficult step in a long line of them.  I've shared my heartbreak and my failure.  Now it's time to move on.  I'm not certain how this space will look going forward.  But it will likely include more  adventures.  Travel is a passion and I'm determined to follow that passion wherever it leads me. 

I'll start by sharing my most recent trips to The Hague, Croatia and Florida.  I'll also be sharing all of our travels over the past 18 months.  (Yes, I'm still that far behind).  It might be a little awkward, but this is my scrapbook and I want to capture all of my travels here.

Expect to see more of my amazing home state, too.  I can't wait to explore Texas all over again with a camera and a new appreciation.  I'm also feeling like I need to share some of the books, tools & resources that I've latched onto over the past few months that have saved me.  Hopefully, I can start blogging with a renewed since of purpose and joy.  

These peonies were given to my by my sweet friend Gina.  She came to greet me at the train station when I visited her just a few weeks after all of this happened.  I burst into tears as soon as I saw her.  Our first stop was to pick up these peonies and I slept with them by my bed as witness to even more tears.  The painted peonies are from our trip to a museum a few days later.  

"With their lush, full, rounded bloom, peonies embody romance and prosperity and are regarded as an omen of good fortune and a happy marriage."  Well, shit.  I can't use them then, can I?  But then I realized that I had to use them.  Because I had great romance and prosperity with Matthew.  I had much good fortune and a happy marriage over the past almost seven years.  Nothing can take that away from me and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  There is nothing random about it.  These are the perfect photographs for this post after all.  

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